november 20 -- mark this day on your calendar, its the day my life turned around. i pray for good.
ive spent so much time fooling myself and everbody else i love
that ive managed to find myslef crawling on the underside of a flat universe
its funny cause this morning i woke up alright but now that ive been knocked on the head a couple times too many(or not enough) i think im finally getting what you saw three weeks ago
ive realized another thing, to top off all my other realizations of the month, ive screwed up...bad
how is it htat love does these things to a person?
i kept telling you how i dont understand how someone can have such a screwed up life. well that was a lie too (the worst part is that i believed it)
this is burn--out--zone. im about to become someone youve never known. well, maybe last february
im back to being a good kid. call me a goody--two--shoes. two reasons
- good kid--chores(check), homework(check), bedtime(check), etc.(check that too)
- im moving back into my old head, the one that took nothing for granted, loved everything: and it was no lie
old friends: iim sorry ive changed. but thanks for loving me. set me straight if this happens again.
new friends: im sorry for my ignorance. im sorry for living a lie.
im going to remember this hug forever.
im finding it hard to breath.
pathetic how i didnt say a word,
until after you left.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
thanks for slapping me in the face. itll be a while til i feel this good again.
im scared
God: you see these tears. and this pathetic soul. and this breaking heart. its all for You. im so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. my pillow's wet. i love You i love You i love You. fix me. i need You.
posted by tarajoy at 11/23/2005 06:14:00 PM
18 Comments:
oh dear...
well i dont know your phone number.
i would've been writing that a week ago, wait, i did.
tho i dont know what youre going through.
praying.
funny how quickly resolution fades... :\
i wish i got a slap in the face every day.
then it wouldnt matter anymore would it?
freefall...
i can offer a hug (virtual hugs aren't very satisfying though) and tell you that from what i've read of your words... i definitely know what you mean and that's exactly how i'm feeling...
thanks girls. i think everyone needs to be slapped once in a while. you're right tala, if we had that everyday we'd be used to it. and prob. be very miserable. empathy: ________. fill in the blank with something nice.
we were at FOCUS in september and the speaker (Pastor Paul Dunk) said something along the lines of this... "we all need someone in our lives who can say no to us and we will listen." those people who WILL slap us, and i don't mean physically even. Each one of us definitely needs at least one person in our life who knows what they are talking about, someone who can say, you need to stop and think about what you're doing. I know that I personally really need that. It's actually such a huge blessing to have those people who can say no to us and even if we take it badly at first and are in denial a bit- we know that they are right and we need to stop. yup!! i just felt like sharing that. friends are so awesome... and the ones who tell us "no" and really mean it for the best of us-- i'm so blessed to have those friends.
its also a blessing when someone can openly recieve rebuke. it says somewhere in the bible to rebuke when needed. and i think its important. its hard to receive rebuke though. to not immediatly(sp?) stick up a wall and deny it all.
i think i want to post something happier.
that picture of the bicycle: at first i thought it was some clay man riding. but no! closer look, it is revealed as a kid. lol..
haha. go clay man!
yeah you told me about this. and i'm happy for you. i'm really happy for you.
yeah slaps in a face are good sometimes... i've been on the receiving line of a few. i know what you are going through.
anyways, i just spent practically the whole snow day doing freaking math homework. i'm so sick of math. i hate math. i need help with math! BLAH!! goodness. but to think... without this snow day, i would've practically failed this math assignment. but the thing is: when would i have found the time to do it? i'm so freaking busy and i can't do a thing about it. heh okay enough ranting on your blog...
self-discovery (or self-re-discovery) is always great. the slap in the face helps. it's nice having friends that can do that for you
oh man. its funny how everyone relates so easily.
KILL MATH!
actually im kinda enjoying it.
nov. 20 check, was that a tuesday?
head trauma?
good people...do their homework?...uh oh...something i've been neglecting.
i think i really missed something here...or thats the way it looks...
looking at that last "part" ...wish i could do that.
Yes I know the verses you a speaking of, Tara. I believe they're in Proverbs?
hello. i just wanted to say... i got a dA account!! lol i feel so behind. anyway... look at it sometime if you want :P i'm still adding more... and i mostly used kaths camera or my uncle's or other peoples because i dont have a digital one O_O i know. if i werent like totally penniless i would buy one... and my parents are getting one soonish. sigh. anyway... hope life is good
http://goldstarostrich.deviantart.com
great summer...
now people can see pictures of me! hahaha.
oh and i meant that sarcastically... or i don't know if that's right...
but i meant that in a dreadful-sorta way.
hey kathleen! missed you!! haha.
ya..summer..i went there..but it was down for maintenance..so. eh. haha. ill try again.
if you were the one to take those pics of kathleen taht she has on her blog...then ill tell you: they're really good. esp. some of them
Aw, you don't want to be shy. I spent half my life shy. It wasn't worth it. Be bold and do what you dream of doing, as long as its a good thing.
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