ANTIQUED

i had my first real glimpse at the old tara today. probably cause i convinced myself i can move on without some things i dont need and only wanted/want.
the tara who:
had a middle name-joy
rode her unicycle around late at night. daydreaming
didnt need to daydream cause her life was a dream
didnt know how to apply mascara
giggled
hated pessimissm
wanted a rose garden
walked into door frames
loved details
lived for lists
lived for love
had no rings
a full corner instead of an empty one
respected class
made up reasons after the finished product
did the metaphor thing much better than now
but to avoid any more negetive, bitter comparisons.
this is a taste of the girl that had a love and a care.

is it possible to have your character stolen from underneath your very own pink fingertips? (everything used to be pink...colour me in pretty patterns of pink.)
but i was sitting on the bus, dieing because i tried to read YCTIWY while we were driving..which i should know from previous experience is a /bad/ thing!

and i was talking beneath your window. and you watched me, and now you scared me the way you should have then. the most powerful force in the world: eye contact. i know. freaky huh?

even abram would appreciate the non-bitterness of this post.
i spent 45 minutes this morning sitting on the ground in my white fall jacket, /with/ a sketchbook. but all the same pages that were blank before are blank now. so i havent really gotten anywhere. yes that statement was {hopefully} part of the lieing game. because i believe i accomplished something today. something like...left behind.

forget,
your miss(ing)y, lonely.
everything reminds me of 1. and 1 makes me hate everything. darn, why'd i have to go mess up the entire post with that. but it's there now, i claim my backspace key doesnt work. just like a sticky shift key. which happened in march, if anyone cared to know.