downdate

life: such a big deal for such a small thing. smarten up!
there are so many people and such a small population left to get to know them.

quiz time:
at least now i know
so now im driving on a more regular basis. which means i need to get things more together with bethany and start planning a driver school learning date. which im not really looking forward to after hearing the reviews from the others. ha. 'the others'. "sometimes i bleeeeeeed". who's going to get that? counting on you gradeschool girly-cues. so back to driving, i seriously need to start working on the whole nerve factor, im not going to turn into an old granny craning her neck to see over the steering wheel and moving at 20 on a 60 road.
im worn out
1. i am most afraid of _____________.
a) red lights
b) green lights
c) yellow lights
used up
so with the whole driving thing i just summarized in hardly any detail, comes this freaky feeling that everyone is just dying to plow into me; on or off the road. and since im so sick of the process: identify the problem and leave the solution floating out where your heart is, that being somewhere on pluto, which was recently discovered to be /not/ a planet. which makes my heart /not/ a heart. which makes you /not/ a person. wow. freaky. click. click. so back on topic...since im sick of that process ive found a solution to the plowing-into-tara phobia. however reachable it may be. i desperatly need to be a ghost. even better if i could do it on command. i really want to move on right through some people. and have some things (cars for example, people too) move right on through me and not flinch. the best part is, i would still be very conscious of the whole ongoing.
laid aside
2. on a scale of one to ten rate my chances in getting my wish:
history
so about two weeks ago i was at heajins place singing karaoke. whats really scary is that the whole bonding aspect of it all actually happened. i made .mmm...two /new/ friends. which is merely following suit with the rest of my year so far. which is awesome if the whole ghost thing actually turns out. and if it doesnt? im still working on that. so realized with the whole karaoke thing...and then the whole rollerskating thing. that disco balls are really my type of thing. i should have caught onto that sooner though, as i should have with a whole lot of other things. but thats besides the point. i put christmas lights up in my bedroom from november to february. which makes up for the only purposefully tacky thing in my life. i despise tacky.
so now i can at least freely...
3. three things i should have caught onto long ago:
-
-
-
stop
do not go gentle into that good night. im going to take this completely out of context and tell you about a dream i had. i dreamt that we were riding bareback on a horse in the middle of the night. and it was snowing. so as of now. last night was the last time ive ridden a horse.
and you can...
4. when was the real last time ive ridden a horse?
leave
im dieing of curiosity. im so curious: if i hadnt done this whole blog thing. how well would you know me. and how much easier would it have been and be to be friends right now? msn does that too eh. i wish i had never let you all at my email. i have a feeling id be a lot clearer in my thinking.
unless you have any soul in you
5. how has blogs and msn negetively affected you? (this is not a school question. no matter how technical it sounds)
which i know you dont
my course load this year is not quite what i expected it to be. art is a lot harder as mr.groen is fresh with new ideas after his year off and i go on thursdays for extra work (jonathan...we need to think about that thing esp. before he gets on our case). my real love in art class right now though is that book groen has. english is bland, drama is what i expected it to be, fancy that. and geo is unmentionable. and for some reason, i feel a lot older. which makes everything a lot more hazy. as was expected. but im stll not prepared. i know what would make my life perfect right now.
excuse the pessimism
6. what would make my life perfect right now?
to whoever highlights their words
7. whats on your christmas list?
cause i hope you're click clicking now
8. whats on my secret list?
and letting something...
and to avoid this from turning into a guessing game..ill tell you something new. im seeing the hyprocrite in me. which is holding me back from doing a lot cause im afraid of it backfiring back into my face and burning off my eyebrows. which would be horrible. i see the start of a jealous streak in me. which is starting to faze me. and the worst part is that i saw it coming. yes. i did. ive seen a couple things coming, and i see another thing coming now. like i said before, i really want the ghost personality. i could deal with the whole split personality if half of me was ghost. i see things getting complicated. which i remember now was where i was going with the karaoke thing. we sang 'complicated'. if that song wasnt so annoying, id find it bearable. but for now its just ponderable.
hang over your conscience
9. why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
cause that makes two of us.
now go listen to the rest of the song. or better yet, read the lyrics. (and if you do go all the way, your loss.)
and for once in a long while
one more thing. when i talk i want it to mean something. its so easy to let my words get away with me and i can see it in every other person ive ever met too. we're supposed to be living a show-not-tell life. (that reminds me of vriends english class. show not tell in your writing. i wrote about a horse. and did a good job, if you rate it by the mark. it also reminds me of kindergarten. see, we were all on the right track in kindergarten 'show and tell'...and by grade nine we had to be taught all over again. but apparently most of us either zoned out through those classes or forgot already) so there's this one scene in my fair lady that says what im saying
this wasnt self inflicted
Freddy: Speak and the world is full of singing,
And I'm winging Higher than the birds.
Touch and my heart begins to crumble,
The heaven's tumble, Darling, and I'm...
Eliza: Words!
Words! Words! I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars Burning above; If you're in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you're on fire,
Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat! Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch? Don't say how much,
Show me! Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!
Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
Don't talk of June, Don't talk of fall!
Don't talk at all! Show me!
Never do I ever want to hear another word.
There isn't one I haven't heard.
Here we are together in what ought to be a dream;
Day one more word and I'll scream!
Haven't your arms Hungered for mine?
Please don't "expl'ine," Show me! Show me!
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!
now i remember what i was going to say:
10: this aint really a question: just go watch 'my fair lady'. or at least the one scene where she sings with freddy on the street.
its all part of self-denial.
question #11: is self-denial a good thing?
love
tarajoy
so as politely as i can say: please dont try anything else on me
or do, and we'll see how well i hold up.