you're exactly like me; i promise that you are; please meet me; maybe i could hear your voice for a change; maybe it'd be like talking to myself; maybe we could meet at the swings; ill race you to the top; how does ice cream sound?

my year:
i love january--jan.1: resolution
i love february--feb14: blessing
i love march--march.5: light
i love april--april.4: reassurance
i love may--may.18: suprise
i love june--june.26: satisfaction
i love july--july.1: french
i love august--aug.6: english
i love september--sept.3: anxiety
i love october--oct.31: reformation
i love november--nov.2: healthy insanity
i love december--dec.25: truth

november 20 -- mark this day on your calendar, its the day my life turned around. i pray for good.

ive spent so much time fooling myself and everbody else i love
that ive managed to find myslef crawling on the underside of a flat universe
its funny cause this morning i woke up alright but now that ive been knocked on the head a couple times too many(or not enough) i think im finally getting what you saw three weeks ago
ive realized another thing, to top off all my other realizations of the month, ive screwed up...bad
how is it htat love does these things to a person?
i kept telling you how i dont understand how someone can have such a screwed up life. well that was a lie too (the worst part is that i believed it)
this is burn--out--zone. im about to become someone youve never known. well, maybe last february
im back to being a good kid. call me a goody--two--shoes. two reasons

1. good kid--chores(check), homework(check), bedtime(check), etc.(check that too)
2. im moving back into my old head, the one that took nothing for granted, loved everything: and it was no lie

if you need to talk to me; simply call me, on the telephone, or take me for a walk and hit me with encouragement, or big news, or a heartbreak, or a unsolvable problem, or something sweet--im desperate for change
old friends: iim sorry ive changed. but thanks for loving me. set me straight if this happens again.
new friends: im sorry for my ignorance. im sorry for living a lie.

im going to remember this hug forever.
im finding it hard to breath.
pathetic how i didnt say a word,
until after you left.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

thanks for slapping me in the face. itll be a while til i feel this good again.


im scared

God: you see these tears. and this pathetic soul. and this breaking heart. its all for You. im so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. my pillow's wet. i love You i love You i love You. fix me. i need You.

*****************************************

experiences of the day:
-- made nametags. mhm. signs. mhm. so toootally gave out pizza!!. ate pita's. (hoo boy do i feel healthy; pita vs. pizza iiick!). learned how to breath. in love with jack zaza.(yaa! thats his last name!!!!best clinician dude!)..by the way: band festivallll (woohoo!!!)
-- let it snowsnowsnowsnowsnowSNOWsnowsnowsnow. the world looks better like this(woohoo!!!)(nothing is pure white anymore. or ever.)
-- bass party at my place; too bad im a soprano; timothy and his friends (woohoo!!!)
-- volleyball team at my place; i wanna play!; tracey and ALL gr.7&8 girls (woohoo!!!)
-- me upstairs on the computer. somone tell me whats going onnnn!!! (w._____(n)eh!)



highschool isnt about finding your husband. its about finding your bridesmaids.
you can tell who your best friends are when: they care about what you say. and care about you. (afterthought: i love you!)
(8)thissss is the year of the Loooord!(8)

im so happy! whyyy? cause everyone else is happpy..or at least i hope...or guess...considering everyone has been singing (bass's have amazing voices man! i looove it dude!), and Tracey (sissssster) and the rest of the volleyball team is cheering: "one two three team!" every other second (i am so totally NOT kidding) oh my goodness star wars is attacking! mmmmm YIC ROCKS!
you should hear me now. no wait. you shouldnt id prob.(wait for it.) explode!

"
do it now.
stay loose.
learn to watch snails.
plant impossible gardens.
invite someone dangerous to tea.
make friends with freedom and uncertainty.
take a moonbath.
do it for love.
refuse to be responsible
write love letters.
hug trees.
entertain your inner child.
you are innocent.
draw on walls.
give money away.
believe in magic.
laugh a lot.
cry during movies.
cultivate moods.
celebrate every gorgeous moment.
giggle with children.
drive away fear.
bless yourself.
love often.
"

i tried four times to write something here... no. ______________there.


ive come to full realization that sometimes you just cant get out of something.

and for a change,
this is for you darling:

"yes. english is done. i promise to post something you understand darling. and now lets go to choir."
two darlings, now three. i must really think you're something special.
kathleen.

so this kid i know. on our bus. he has the nerve to practicaly yell that he "honestly just doesnt care about anyones brother. so can you please stop pressuring me into signing her card!"
that made me mad.
anastasia is my brothers friend and her dad works with my dad. so i care. so you know what!!? SHUTUP! [and remind me again...who was pressuring you?]
yes. inconsideracy about death hurts.
(last night, anastasia's brother was killed in an accident. for anyone who doesnt know)

its been one month. and ive heard of so many who have lost someone or something big.
people are crying. no, thats no reason to turn away from happiness.
but its also no reason to throw your heart out the window. the grass isnt soft enough.
please, dont tell me that you dont care. please dont.

pray for her family.

and for everyone else you know.

love,

tarajoy

amen.

there's so much ive had to say and wanted to say lately.

so if you're not a quitter
then why dont i get that impression
yeah. you see. i just dont know
make this your own interpretation
:cause i dont know what else to make it be

so far we need to make two dictionarys.
make that three.
one with the code words. hopefully we can throw that out soon.
one with definitions.
and one with explanations.
why doesnt my brain work that way?
sorry for putting you through all that work.

1. i passed a girl i used to know on my way home from school. she usually says hi. but not then. i figured it out. it wasnt her.
2. i need to get a key to my house
3. i can wait for tomorrow
4. my book ended with the main character dieing.
   
5. so far i have a 60% on my math quiz. that'd better goooo uppp.
   
6. i realized i gotta stop laughing at everything you say
7. no, im not really what i am. just who i am.
   
8. before i pushed you out, now im pulling you in. where's the happy medium?
   
9. im alright. and okay. but wasnt i going to tell you something. oh ya. that backfired too.
   
10. flattery...it works too often. or so we've learned.

now promise me you'll interpret that,
only like how you would,
cause i wont be happy with anything else,
and tell me if you come up with anything important,
or not important,
and yes i used the dictionary last time we spoke,
no. none of the ones we need,
the one that we already have,
that makes four,
lets narrow it back down to two,

oh, and me? i wont go too far
i think i messed up somewhere

christmas is coming
but dont be fooled
yes it all meant more
please

"i want to: remix"

i want to memorize:
" Without doubt, in the gloom some mighty angel was standing, with outstretched wings, awaiting the soul." - les miserables.
i want to know when to speak and when not to speak.
i want to cry on demand; yes i do.
i want to be wrong.
i want to be right.
i want to have a nightmare so i can wake up and have a good reason not to sleep.
i want to remember to fall asleep.
i want to go to festival choir this week.
i want to have the weekend end.
i want to have the weekend continue.
i want to stop being so contradictory!!!!!!
i want to understand exactly why you are the way you are and i am the way i am.
i want to go to play practice.
i want to drive. ya..i wanna be seventeen now too.
i want to.......no...18.
i want to go back to europe.
i want to live in another country for a whole year. probably somewhere in europe.
i want (to) you all to stay the way you are. because i like you that way. not any other way. so dont go changing to fit something or someone else. just change when its natural. cause that change, i cant wait to witness.
i want to not be affected by advertising.
i want to be affected by advertising.
i want to make up my mind.
i want to make this mean something.
i want (this) to be a better list.

i want to quit having my thoughts analysed. i think im going to...:
i want to live life to its fullest. which means if i see a tree i want to climb...im going to climb it. and if i want to go swimming in the middle of the winter then ill break a whole in the ice while you guys skate cirles around my blue fingers. but they'll have mittens so itll be alright. this also means:
im going to now live artistically. you may not see a difference. cause there may not even be one.

and now to end on a happy note: i think i now believe in love at first sight. only its a different love. can you even count how many types of love there are? i think i need a list. can someone make one for me?


lets all paint our faces.
please get me.

it's not easy being a bunny
by marilyn sadler

PJ Funnybunny was very sad. He did not like being a bunny.
His mother made him eat cooked carrots every day.
He had far too many brothers and sisters.
And his ears were very big.
One day PJ decided to leave home.
"I dont want to be a bunny anymore,"said PJ."I want to be a...
...BEAR!"
And PJ went to live with the bears.
But when the bears went to sleep for the winter,PJ couldnt sleep at all. Living with the bears was not very exciting.
So PJ said,
"I dont want to be a bear. I want to be a...
...BIRD!"
And PJ went to live with the birds.
PJ liked being a bird--until he tried to fly.
So PJ said,
"I don't want to be a bear OR a bird. I want to be a...
...BEAVER!"
And so PJ went to live with the beavers.
--and so it goes...pig...moose...possum...skunk...--
So PJ said,"I dont want to be a bear or a bird or a beaver or a pig or a moose or a possum OR, most of all, a skunk, what i REALLY want to be is a...
...BUNNY!"
So PJ hurried home. The Funnybunnies were very happy to see him. PJ was very happy to see them.
That night PJ ate all of his cooked carrots...and played with every one of his brothers and sisters.
He was so happy to be a bunny again that he did not care that his ears were very big."AT least everyone can see that i am a bunny,"PJ sasid, "and not a...bear or a bird or a beaver or a pig or a moose or a possum or a skunk."

now substitute "PJ" with "TJ" and you're all set.

I cleaned out my closet yesterday...and found:

• my french textbook i lost last year...and paid $60 for
• a notebook from my best friend in gr6 saying we'd be bff. i havent seen her in over a year
• my GEMS scarf
• a total of $7. all in quarter...except for a $2 bill
• a dutch calendar-ya..im part dutch
• my riding outfit. complete with jacket, shirt, collar, etc.
• grade 9 class list